A Little Levity

I think the time has come for a good laugh. I can't even read the headlines these days without going into a deep funk. So my wish for today is that this story gives you a good laugh. I always thought that if I ever pursued a career as a stand up comedian, this would be something I would work into my monologue.
I was about 19 or 20, home from college on summer break and getting ready to go out for the evening. I was putting on my makeup and I used a headband to keep the hair away from my face as make up application is critical and stray hair can be very annoying. That past Valentine's Day, my mother had given me a three pack of cute cotton underpants decorated with hearts and trimmed in red. My sweet mother, always thinking I was a size or two smaller than I actually was, had way underestimated the size I would actually need to cover my rear end (thongs were not the thing back in the 80's) so I tucked them, unworn, into my underwear drawer.
On this particular day, I could not find the stretchy elastic headband that I used to keep the hair out of my eyes during the all important make-up application. I looked everywhere but could not find it and then had a sudden "bright idea" and reached into my underwear drawer and pulled out a pair of the Valentine panties. I popped them over my head and then pushed them back up to keep the hair out of my face. Worn thus, a casual glance wouldn't even give away the fact that I was indeed, wearing panties on my head. I proceeded with my make up application only to be rudely interrupted by my father who reminded me that I had promised him I would go to the liquor store to pick up his order. The order was a large one (I loved that about my dad, go big or go home!) and I had to take his big Lincoln Town Car to get the whole load o'booze. So I hopped in my dad's car and off I went. Upon arriving at the liquor store, I happened to glance in the rear view mirror and the panties were still on my head! Whew! Close call! I whipped them off, fluffed my hair and stuffed them in the garbage can in the car. I got the liquor, finished my errand, finished getting ready for my big night out of what? I remember so many details but not what I was doing that night! I didn't give the underwear another thought.
A few days later my father came home from work very red faced and agitated. He was a manufacturer's sales rep, a salesman, and spent much of his time in those days calling on accounts. My father had discovered my underpants in his car and realizing they were mine, since he had seen me wearing them on my head and had just shaken his head and not commented, put them in his pocket on his way home from work. He decided to make one last call that fateful day since it was on his way home. It was to an old customer and as they were wrapping things up and my father stood chatting with the store owner, he had a coughing attack. My father always carried an handkerchief in his pocket for just such an occasion since he was prone to coughing. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out what he thought was his handkerchief only to wipe his face with the heart covered panties. My father was horrified, as it was VERY obvious what he was holding in his hand, but innocently made this situation much worse by declaring "Oh don't worry, these are my daughter's!"


TIP FOR THE DAY
Dryer sheets. I love them, but I tear them in half. The laundry is just as fluffy and soft and I get twice the amount!